I cannot count how many times I have heard “you are so brave” when I tell people that I am going on a solo bike trip. I am never sure how to respond to this. I know people say this with good intentions. I would like to think it’s because they have never considered doing this sort of trip, but I am always left wondering if I were a man, would they have this kind of response?
There is a certain type of man that will exclaim incredulously, “by yourself?” I expect this response from the Neanderthals, but I cannot be bothered by them. Thankfully, I know very few that still hold this backward thinking. Or at least I know very few of them willing to say that out loud to me!
It is the women that say this that concern me the most. As women we are still held back by the belief that to do anything remotely outside of our comfort zone, is ‘brave’. When I sought to become an AFS exchange student, my mother tried to discourage me by saying if I did this, I would have nothing left to dream for. As if as women, we are only allowed one dream, one possibility to spread our wings. While her mother, my grandmother, celebrated my travels and responded by making me promise to take her to China one day. That one day never came.
How many could have changed the world, but were held back?
As women, are we subliminally held back and told to wait? Wait for a day that may never come? Is it not up to us as women to show our daughters that to follow our dreams is to honor our true selves? How many women were held back from pursuing higher education, traditionally male-held jobs, or leadership roles? How many could have changed the world, but were held back?
I am not just talking about solo travel or any kind of travel. It can be any dream that we have always harbored in the back of our minds. That one thing we draw on in our quiet moments to get us through the day. Dreams of travel took hold of me early in my childhood as I voraciously read about faraway lands. I knew I wanted to see the world and could not wait to get out of my small town. But for someone else, it may be the desire to become a pastry chef or open a B&B in Maine. Perhaps going back to school and learning astronomy or a new language. Whatever it is, we women can do whatever we choose. There is no limit.
In the research of my ancestry, I am struck over and over again by the challenges my grandmothers and great-grandmothers overcame just in their day-to-day life. They bore 10 – 12 children, often losing many in childbirth or at a young age. They crossed oceans and a continent, often alone, to provide their children a better life than their own. They married young and many lived long past their husbands. Reading between the lines, you know their day-to-day life was exhausting. As my mother would say, “A man’s day is from 9 – 5 and a women’s day is never done.”
Is it not time…To believe in our strength?
It is clear to me that women have this strength and fortitude ingrained in us, but at the same time we have been taught that women are the weaker sex. Is it not time to stop this falsehood? To believe in our strength? To realize we are strong and often much stronger than men.
You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.
Richard Bach
I realize that it is not easy to just go out and follow our dreams. We have responsibilities, and often life gets in the way. But there comes a day when you realize the excuses are just that, excuses. The children have grown, the job can wait, the bills can be paid down with discipline, the naysayers can be blocked.
I am lucky I have so many that believe in me and urge me to follow my path. My husband has never once discouraged me. My daughter thinks I am nuts to travel by bike (a moped would be much better!), but never once questioned my solo travel. My son takes it all in stride and both of my kids share my Instagram posts with their friends.
When you are surrounded by people who believe in you, who see your strength, and celebrate all that you are, it opens up the way to pursue your path. Don’t get me wrong, it is scary as hell and the challenges can be overwhelming, but we do have the fortitude to overcome what is thrown at us. Sometimes it simply means taking a step back, a deep breath, and a leap of faith.
So when a sister strikes out and pursues a new path, explores a new passion, heads in a direction you never considered, celebrate her, and know that you can do that too. Pursue that new career choice, hike the Appalachian Trail, write the great American novel. Wait for no one. Be brave.
Bravo! Well said!!!